Adventures In Tech Support (Friday Fun)

A reader sent me this collection of “tech support stories” (aka “clueless user stories”). I suspect they will make you smile… unless you work at a Help Desk…

TECH SUPPORT

Tech  Support: What kind of  computer do you have?

Customer: A white  one.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Customer: Hi, this is Celine.   I can’t get my DVD  out !!!

Tech  Support: Have you tried  pushing the button?

Customer: Yes, I’m sure it’s  really stuck.

Tech  Support: That doesn’t sound  good; I’ll make a note.

Customer: No, wait a minute, I  hadn’t inserted  it
yet.   It’s still on my desk . . . sorry.  Thank  you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tech  Support: Click on the ‘MY  COMPUTER’ icon on  the
left of  the screen.

Customer: Your left or my  left?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tech  Support: Hello.  How may  I help you?

Customer:   Hi .. . . I can’t  print.

Tech  Support: Would you click on  ‘START’ for me and . . ….

Customer: Listen pal; don’t  start getting technical  on
me.   I’m not Billy Gates!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Customer: Good afternoon, this  is Martha.  I  can’t
print.   Every time I try, it says . . . ‘CAN’T  FIND PRINTER’.  I even lifted the printer  and placed it in front of the monitor, but the  computer still says it can’t find  it!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Customer: I have problems  printing in red.

Tech  Support: Do you have a color  printer?

Customer: Aaaah . . . . . . .  . . . thank you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tech  Support: What’s on your  monitor now, ma’am?

Customer: A teddy bear that my  boyfriend bought  for
me at the  7-11 store.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Customer: My keyboard is not  working anymore.

Tech  Support: Are you sure your  keyboard is  plugged
into the  computer?

Customer: No.  I can’t  get behind the computer.

Tech  Support: Pick up your  keyboard and take  ten
steps  backwards.

Customer: Okay.

Tech  Support: Did the keyboard  come with you?

Customer: Yes.

Tech  Support: That means the  keyboard is not  plugged
in.   Is there another  keyboard?

Customer: Yes, there’s another  one here.  Wait  a
moment  please. . . . . . …  Ah, that one does  work.
Thanks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tech  Support: Your password is the  small letter ‘a’ as  in
apple, a  capital letter ‘V’ as in Victor, and  the number ‘7’.

Customer: Is that ‘7’ in  capital  letters?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Customer: I can’t get on the  internet.

Tech  Support: Are you absolutely  sure you used the
correct  password?

Customer: Yes, I’m sure.   I saw my co-worker do  it.

Tech  Support: Can you tell me what  the password was?

Customer: Five  dots.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tech  Support: What anti-virus  program do you use?

Customer: Netscape.

Tech  Support: That’s not an  anti-virus program.

Customer: Oh, sorry . . .  Internet  Explorer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Customer: I have a huge  problem! My friend  has
placed a  screen saver on my computer . . .  but,
every time I move my  mouse, it disappears.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tech  Support: How may I help  you?

Customer: I’m writing my first  email.

Tech  Support: OK, and what seems  to be the  problem?

Customer: Well, I have the  letter ‘a’ in the  address,
but how do  I get the little circle around  it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A woman customer  called the Canon help desk because
she had a  problem with her printer..

Tech  Support: Are you running it  under windows?

Customer: No, my desk is next  to the door, but  that
is a good  point.  The man sitting next to me is  by
a window, and his printer is working  fine!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And last, but not  least . . .

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tech  Support: Okay Bob, press the  control and  escape
keys at  the same time. That brings up  a task list in  the
middle of  the screen.. Now, type the  letter ‘P’ to  bring
up the  Program Manager.

Customer: I don’t have a  ‘P’.

Tech  Support: On your keyboard,  Bob.

Customer: What do you  mean ?

Tech  Support: ‘P’ . .  . on your keyboard, Bob.

Customer: I AM NOT GOING TO DO  THAT!!!
…………………………………………

It is summertime, and it is Friday. Not a bad combo, eh? Enjoy, everybody. And let’s be safe out there.
(And thank you, Dear Reader [you know who you are].)

Today’s quote: “Pride that dines on vanity, sups on contempt.”  ~ Benjamin Franklin

---

>> Folks, don’t miss an article! To get Tech – for Everyone articles delivered to your e-mail Inbox, click here, or to subscribe in your RSS reader, click here. <<

---