Adventures In Tech Support (Friday Fun)
A reader sent me this collection of “tech support stories” (aka “clueless user stories”). I suspect they will make you smile… unless you work at a Help Desk…
TECH SUPPORT
Tech Support: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can’t get my DVD out !!!
Tech Support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, I’m sure it’s really stuck.
Tech Support: That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a note.
Customer: No, wait a minute, I hadn’t inserted it
yet. It’s still on my desk . . . sorry. Thank you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tech Support: Click on the ‘MY COMPUTER’ icon on the
left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tech Support: Hello. How may I help you?
Customer: Hi .. . . I can’t print.
Tech Support: Would you click on ‘START’ for me and . . ….
Customer: Listen pal; don’t start getting technical on
me. I’m not Billy Gates!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Customer: Good afternoon, this is Martha. I can’t
print. Every time I try, it says . . . ‘CAN’T FIND PRINTER’. I even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says it can’t find it!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Customer: I have problems printing in red.
Tech Support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah . . . . . . . . . . thank you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tech Support: What’s on your monitor now, ma’am?
Customer: A teddy bear that my boyfriend bought for
me at the 7-11 store.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech Support: Are you sure your keyboard is plugged
into the computer?
Customer: No. I can’t get behind the computer.
Tech Support: Pick up your keyboard and take ten
steps backwards.
Customer: Okay.
Tech Support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes.
Tech Support: That means the keyboard is not plugged
in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there’s another one here. Wait a
moment please. . . . . . … Ah, that one does work.
Thanks.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tech Support: Your password is the small letter ‘a’ as in
apple, a capital letter ‘V’ as in Victor, and the number ‘7’.
Customer: Is that ‘7’ in capital letters?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Customer: I can’t get on the internet.
Tech Support: Are you absolutely sure you used the
correct password?
Customer: Yes, I’m sure. I saw my co-worker do it.
Tech Support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five dots.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tech Support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech Support: That’s not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry . . . Internet Explorer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Customer: I have a huge problem! My friend has
placed a screen saver on my computer . . . but,
every time I move my mouse, it disappears.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tech Support: How may I help you?
Customer: I’m writing my first email.
Tech Support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address,
but how do I get the little circle around it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman customer called the Canon help desk because
she had a problem with her printer..
Tech Support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: No, my desk is next to the door, but that
is a good point. The man sitting next to me is by
a window, and his printer is working fine!
And last, but not least . . .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tech Support: Okay Bob, press the control and escape
keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the
middle of the screen.. Now, type the letter ‘P’ to bring
up the Program Manager.
Customer: I don’t have a ‘P’.
Tech Support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean ?
Tech Support: ‘P’ . . . on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I AM NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!!
…………………………………………
It is summertime, and it is Friday. Not a bad combo, eh? Enjoy, everybody. And let’s be safe out there.
(And thank you, Dear Reader [you know who you are].)
Today’s quote: “Pride that dines on vanity, sups on contempt.” ~ Benjamin Franklin
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• About Tech Paul
I am a Retired computer & network technician. I used to think the machines were pretty cool. Now I don’t.
They’re anything but.
I regularly posted how-to’s and tricks & tips and general computing advice here starting in 2007. (Use the Search tool to find answers. But be aware, many are rather dated.) Sometimes I answered (your) specific questions in an article if I believed the answer was generally helpful to “everyone”. All the writing you see was my own, typos and all. There always is/was an implied “IMHO” in what you see here.
Note: You are responsible for using this blog and its content. I am in no way liable for any losses caused by user error, viruses and/or other malware, hardware or software failure, or any other conceivable reason.
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