Tech – for Everyone

Tech Tips and Tricks & Advice – written in plain English.

Adventures In Tech Support (Friday Fun)

A reader sent me this collection of “tech support stories” (aka “clueless user stories”). I suspect they will make you smile… unless you work at a Help Desk…

TECH SUPPORT

Tech  Support: What kind of  computer do you have?

Customer: A white  one.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Customer: Hi, this is Celine.   I can’t get my DVD  out !!!

Tech  Support: Have you tried  pushing the button?

Customer: Yes, I’m sure it’s  really stuck.

Tech  Support: That doesn’t sound  good; I’ll make a note.

Customer: No, wait a minute, I  hadn’t inserted  it
yet.   It’s still on my desk . . . sorry.  Thank  you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tech  Support: Click on the ‘MY  COMPUTER’ icon on  the
left of  the screen.

Customer: Your left or my  left?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tech  Support: Hello.  How may  I help you?

Customer:   Hi .. . . I can’t  print.

Tech  Support: Would you click on  ‘START’ for me and . . ….

Customer: Listen pal; don’t  start getting technical  on
me.   I’m not Billy Gates!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Customer: Good afternoon, this  is Martha.  I  can’t
print.   Every time I try, it says . . . ‘CAN’T  FIND PRINTER’.  I even lifted the printer  and placed it in front of the monitor, but the  computer still says it can’t find  it!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Customer: I have problems  printing in red.

Tech  Support: Do you have a color  printer?

Customer: Aaaah . . . . . . .  . . . thank you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tech  Support: What’s on your  monitor now, ma’am?

Customer: A teddy bear that my  boyfriend bought  for
me at the  7-11 store.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Customer: My keyboard is not  working anymore.

Tech  Support: Are you sure your  keyboard is  plugged
into the  computer?

Customer: No.  I can’t  get behind the computer.

Tech  Support: Pick up your  keyboard and take  ten
steps  backwards.

Customer: Okay.

Tech  Support: Did the keyboard  come with you?

Customer: Yes.

Tech  Support: That means the  keyboard is not  plugged
in.   Is there another  keyboard?

Customer: Yes, there’s another  one here.  Wait  a
moment  please. . . . . . …  Ah, that one does  work.
Thanks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tech  Support: Your password is the  small letter ‘a’ as  in
apple, a  capital letter ‘V’ as in Victor, and  the number ‘7’.

Customer: Is that ‘7’ in  capital  letters?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Customer: I can’t get on the  internet.

Tech  Support: Are you absolutely  sure you used the
correct  password?

Customer: Yes, I’m sure.   I saw my co-worker do  it.

Tech  Support: Can you tell me what  the password was?

Customer: Five  dots.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tech  Support: What anti-virus  program do you use?

Customer: Netscape.

Tech  Support: That’s not an  anti-virus program.

Customer: Oh, sorry . . .  Internet  Explorer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Customer: I have a huge  problem! My friend  has
placed a  screen saver on my computer . . .  but,
every time I move my  mouse, it disappears.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tech  Support: How may I help  you?

Customer: I’m writing my first  email.

Tech  Support: OK, and what seems  to be the  problem?

Customer: Well, I have the  letter ‘a’ in the  address,
but how do  I get the little circle around  it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A woman customer  called the Canon help desk because
she had a  problem with her printer..

Tech  Support: Are you running it  under windows?

Customer: No, my desk is next  to the door, but  that
is a good  point.  The man sitting next to me is  by
a window, and his printer is working  fine!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And last, but not  least . . .

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tech  Support: Okay Bob, press the  control and  escape
keys at  the same time. That brings up  a task list in  the
middle of  the screen.. Now, type the  letter ‘P’ to  bring
up the  Program Manager.

Customer: I don’t have a  ‘P’.

Tech  Support: On your keyboard,  Bob.

Customer: What do you  mean ?

Tech  Support: ‘P’ . .  . on your keyboard, Bob.

Customer: I AM NOT GOING TO DO  THAT!!!
…………………………………………

It is summertime, and it is Friday. Not a bad combo, eh? Enjoy, everybody. And let’s be safe out there.
(And thank you, Dear Reader [you know who you are].)

Today’s quote:Pride that dines on vanity, sups on contempt.”  ~ Benjamin Franklin


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July 29, 2011 - Posted by | computers, gadgets, Internet, tech |

10 Comments »

  1. Hi Paul,
    Those just classics. Got a good chuckle out that.

    Like

    Comment by Cappydog | July 29, 2011 | Reply

    • Cappydog,
      Yes, those have been floating around for a while, but I am glad you got a chuckle. And I want to say it is good to see your name here again. Hope all is “groovy” with you and yours!

      Like

      Comment by techpaul | July 29, 2011 | Reply

  2. Hey Paul… these are classic stories and so funny!…lots of chuckles!
    While I have not experienced these… “where did my ICONS go is familiar”?

    Gaia

    Like

    Comment by Anonymous | July 30, 2011 | Reply

  3. Thanks for the laugh, Paul. :-)

    Like

    Comment by Paul Andrew Russell | July 30, 2011 | Reply

    • Paul Andrew Russell,
      Sometimes, it seems, the choice boils down to either laughing, or banging your head on the desk.

      I try to remember that laughing is healthier.

      Ha!

      Like

      Comment by techpaul | July 30, 2011 | Reply

  4. Lol….. I can stop giggling when I read some of those….. :D

    Like

    Comment by Tech Support | July 31, 2011 | Reply

    • Sir or Ms,
      I am glad I could provide a laugh.

      I think laughter is more important than ever these days…

      Like

      Comment by techpaul | July 31, 2011 | Reply

  5. Some of these little stories are super funny. They’re excellent to brighten my day. These IT tech support jokes are just what the doctor ordered. You’re right, Paul. Laughter is really important these days. You need to loose those facial muscles a little, not to stay all grouchy and grumpy, thinking only at your work. Nowadays everybody is so focused on their work, they sometimes even forget how to breathe. Work is good, useful, but you’ve got to have a life outside work.

    Like

    Comment by Jessica | August 3, 2011 | Reply

    • Jessica,
      I am glad I could add a chuckle to your day.

      Like

      Comment by techpaul | August 4, 2011 | Reply


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